BEWLEYTHERAPY: The Moment Is Now
Updated: May 27
After getting through the last few weeks hurdles, I’ve felt in dire need of some direction – from an inspirational trend-setter, a wise mentor, or some piece of paper that will give me logical step-by-step instructions on how to stick to the task in hand.
It’s not right that I should tell you all the details in this post of what has happened to slow my progress, but it is right that I give some clue as to why you’ve not heard from me for a while.
You see, for the first time in my life, I’ve noticed just how many people decide to end their life and also how many people cling onto it even though they don’t know what’s going on around them.
It’s not a pleasant experience. And, I while I can understand both scenarios that people undergo, it only makes you all the more aware of your own mortality. Of this meat suit that your soul resides within.
I find it particularly sad when I see young people depressed and unhappy with their lot.
Only because, from my vantage point of being slightly over half way into my sixth decade on this planet, I can see so much potential in them, and the world that is stretching out ahead for them – a world that they don’t want to know or a world that has filled them with disappointment and sorrow.
To get around this feeling of despondency, I tried forgetting the world myself by submerging my mind in short trashy RomComs to help me forget the outside world, or lengthy biographical books that keep me thinking and imagining life as they knew it. Today I’ve even been concentrating on creating a workable diary. A ‘To Do’ list that gets me incentivised.
This was all in an effort to pretend that the tragedies around me weren’t really happening.
A vain effort I would say. Because life is stronger than little old me and has a habit of pulling me back into the fold. I’m sure it does you, too.
It’s strange and upsetting, the way any decision a person makes can have so much of an impact on not just closest relatives, those nearest and dearest, but those in the wider circle as well. Those who are on the periphery of your life. It impacts in an indirect way. You can't quite let yourself go into the grief that beckons you because you didn't know them that well.
But, equally, you can't simply let go of the notion that a person has gone and, worse, will never be here again. They have left a deep and empty void, one so deep that you can't even begin to imagine the pain those closest to them are going through.
To hear of a suicide of someone who is a member of your own family, a person you’ve watched grow from child to adult, affects you in stranger ways than you can contemplate. You watch the distressing story unfold about you and it’s inevitable you’re cannot help but be pulled into the sadness yourself.
As a writer with an imagination, as a publisher who encourages people to aspire to inspire and, as a psychotherapist who helps people see the wider possibilities their life can experience, I feel more pain than I really should.
All those questions about a life not lived, about a life disappearing before your very eyes, become more pertinent.
As a creative person, the emotions get involved and your imagination works overtime – so much that sleepy time goes bye, bye.
Reading an article on grief gave me some answers but even I, an advocate of books, knows that books can only go so far.
Of course, books can help, guide, and advise.
But they can’t ‘feel’ what is going on inside. They can’t tell you how to cope with the rollercoaster of emotions when you are all out of sync with what’s going on inside your heart and outside your body.
If I think about my own situation, as I must in order to get on with life as it is, I am able to hold onto the spiritual aspect. The aspect that some are unable to accept because it seems too, surreal.
Thankfully, many more are beginning to understand it more and are overawed when they see that there is a possibility of infinite life force available to us all.
I don’t hold to any particular religion, but I do believe in a Creator. A Creator that is filled with love and is inspiring us to stretch for more in this life that we are here to experience.
It is this that helps me to understand, or to accept, others life decisions. Others heartbreaks. Others pain and grief. And also, have faith in the fact and know that there is another realm, one with infinitely more possibilities than this one offers, that those who have passed on, walk towards. That notion alone, lifts my heart from the pit of absolute sorrow.
The chief aim of all life is to enjoy.
If you doubt this, you only have to look at any animal, bird or fish. Dogs and cats, in particular, teach us how life should be lived. In the moment. For the ‘now’. And each of those moments are to be enjoyed. For that is the chief goal in this life: to enjoy it.
Most of us worry about the past or fear the future and forget what is right in front of us right now.
If we were able to focus on the moment, like most people with dementia force us to, I predict there would be a lot less worry and fear in the world than there is today.
I urge you, right now, in this moment, to think about this moment in time. This little piece of life that is happening – and sit with it.
Be in the silence.
Enjoy that moment.
Before long, you’ll be enjoying hundreds of little moments, enough to make up a whole life time of them.
Meanwhile, after I've just spent a day worrying about yesterday and fearing tomorrow, so much that I thought it would be good for me to take a dose of my own medicine. I’m off now to listen to some peaceful music, some meaningless meandering melody, one that will help me forget the past and the future and live in this moment. Then I'll probably check out that piece of paper to give me logical step-by-step instructions on how to stick to the task in hand.
Kaye is a freelance publisher, author and certified psychotherapist with over three decades of experience. She is also a writer for various blogs about writing, publishing, travelling and health care.
Feel free to visit her BewleyBooks.com site, where you can sign-up to follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and YouTube.