Reflecting on this path of challenges
I'm finding myself on a bit of a hiatus at the mo. Hiatus? What's a hiatus when it's at home?
A gap in life
An interruption from the 'norm'...
It's kind of like a space has been made for me to stop and think about things. I guess an injury (mental or physical) will do that to you.
Of late, I've had a lot on my plate. I've experienced quite a number of things high on the 'Stress List of Life'. No, not divorce - I'd have to be married for that kind of emotional roller coaster. And, no, not a loss of any great kind. I guess it's been more of a change.
A change in life that is not necessarily kind to this physical thing our spirit lives within.
When you face stress of any sort and you don't know how to deal with it or, worse, you ignore it (like I've been doing), then it has a nasty habit of catching up with you.
Relocating, or moving away from established patterns and familiar places and faces, gets those hormonal engines working on overdrive. Your brain, bless it, begins to imagine horrendous scenarios - most of them within the concept of a bad dream that keeps you tossing and turning all night long after which, the train rolls onward with a series of knock-on effects that have you beat...
Because of the lack of sleep, you get very tired and lack energy
Because of low energy, you get irritable
Because of the irritability, you don't say or do things the right way
Because of the hurtful responses you get, you feel emotionally rejected
Because of the emotional rejection, you wonder if life is worth it
Because of the inability to believe life has any value, you can't sleep...
Rinse and repeat
It just goes on and on and on and, unlike in the ABBA song of the same name, you simply cannot "Keep on rockin' baby, Till the night is gone..."
The scenarios I'm going through at the moment are all beyond my control.
Parent's health failing
Not eating the right foods and fluids
Eating all the wrong foods and fluids
Putting on weight
Elbow, wrist and knee joint aches
Hair falling out by the baleful
You might say that eating and drinking are within my control. No. Not in the scenario I'm facing. Because all my junk has been packed in boxes that surround me like walls, microwave meals are the only things I can get inside me at the mo. So, putting on weight is inevitably going to be a consequence of that. The knock-on effect is that the weight gain gives my joints excess fat to cope with.
And there's simply nothing I can do about my parent's health, except tell them to eat and drink the right things.
Granted, feeling unappreciated is my own fault. Given that I know everything comes from within me, I could just change my mind about the situations I'm facing on a daily basis. I could decide to think in a different way. But... yes, there's a but. When life keeps on slapping you in the face, you get to think "Perhaps it's not so easy to simply change your mind? Perhaps life wants me to see what's going on. Perhaps I'm supposed to face something here."
And there is the tiny key to it all: Control over your own life.
When you feel you have semblance of control over your own life, you can begin to understand what it all means. Or, at least, know why you are undergoing all the madness that shows up.
Most of the challenges life hands to a person, have a goal or a target - when you've set it yourself, there's something to aim for. Some of the experiences you undergo while reaching that goal or target give you an inkling that it's all going to work out for the better. Even if it doesn't, at least you can say you've tried.
But, when your life is being controlled by others or by scenarios you have little hand in, that's when the frustration sets in. That's when you begin to wonder what it's all about. That's when you just want to throw it all in the air and let the chips fall where they may.
For now, I choose to patiently and diligently go through the motions.
To help me accept what is going on, rather than fight it, I will acknowledge that this is a path that will lead me to somewhere better. I won't know it until I get there, but I will be able to look at each situation as it arises and, hopefully, learn to tackle it differently. More positively. Then, I will look back at the challenges faced and see how well I've managed them.
Perhaps, that is the answer to this path I walk?
Kaye is a freelance publisher, author and certified psychotherapist with over three decades of experience. She is also a writer for various blogs about writing, publishing, travelling and health care.
Feel free to visit her BewleyBooks.com site, where you can sign-up to follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and YouTube.