BEWLEYTHERAPY: 04: Get to know your confidence
We all talk about success like we know what it is and how to get it. But is it that easy? Well, all the gurus tell you that it comes in a neat little number by the name of "No".
Being able to say no, apparently, gives you the confidence you need to succeed in life, the universe and everything.
However, we all know that it's not that easy, don't we?
That little word, 'no' is classed as the cornerstone of confidence. It's what gives you the ability to become assertive and able to know about you, what you want and what you don't want, and what you are prepared to accept as a boundary in your life.
Perhaps they're on to something?
But what happened to the ability to say "yes" to everything that comes our way? Yes, means we want to experience life. Yes, means we are happy to make someone else happy. Yes means we get to do stuff that we wouldn't ordinarily do. So, where does 'no' come into it?
The meaning behind 'yes' appears to imply that we want to please others, to make them happy, with the bottom line indicating that we don't want to be made unhappy.
Weird logic, but I guess it is understandable.
By saying 'no' to people and opportunities, we are told we might miss out. By saying 'yes' to people and opportunities we are told we are seen as weak.
Having to figure all of this out is exhausting. In the end, we just intend to please to suit our moods. Therefore, is it the emotions that dictate our decisions in life?
So, who wins in this 'yes/no' battle of wits and wills?
Herein lies the conundrum of confidence. The ability to be able to say 'no' to something that doesn't fit with our own life purpose and being able to say 'yes' when we see a lucrative opportunity.
To make a decision either way 'yes/no' relies on how your emotions are pulling you at that moment. One day, we may feel on top of the world and able to say, with confidence (not arrogance), 'Yes' and 'No' to what feels right for the path we have set ourselves upon. If it suits that purpose and holds a deeper meaning, then we can say either 'yes' or 'no' with confidence.
Now that is using assertiveness in its proper way.
Kaye is a freelance publisher, author and certified psychotherapist with over three decades of experience. She is also a writer for various blogs about writing, publishing, travelling and health care.
Feel free to visit her BewleyBooks.com site, where you can sign-up to follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and YouTube.